Lonely Much?

Well, I’m back from Hawaii. And I still have so much to share with you about that. I even hiked a mountain since I came back home. But, the last week has brought a lot of change to my life.

Not sure you know, but my wedding was called off back in June, and it was supposed to be about two weeks ago now. I’ve gone through a lot emotionally in the past few months. I’ve ended it all – for real, and for what will be the last time. It’s just emotionally draining. It was what was right for me – I’m not doubting that at all –  I just am now realizing so many things.

First off, I’m lonely. I’ve realized I haven’t ate a meal at home with someone else in months. Kinda crazy to think about. I do have friends, don’t get me wrong, but they don’t live near here or have families of their own.

Second, I’m realizing all the shit that I never had done for me. I think I had dinner made for me 10 times. I always took the trash out. I always did the dishes. I always cleaned up after dinner – even though I always made dinner. And it makes me sad – sad that I let that happen to me. Sad that I pretty much was walked all over on. Maybe not that dramatic – but really, how hard is it to cook a girl dinner once in awhile?

So here I am. What’s next? I’d love to move. I want to move. I will move. Where? I’m thinking Boston.

Stay tuned, I’ll share all my travels soon.

I Took a Trip To Indy

So, I had this week off from work. Originally, I had nothing planned. On Sunday, my birthday!, my brother was home from Indianapolis, and was headed back the next day. So, I went with him! We drove out on Monday and I flew home yesterday, Friday.

I had a lot of fun, and I got to see a city I’ve never been too! I have lots of fun things and photos to share about my trip. I’ll post some more about the trip and different parts of it, like the things to do in in Indy!

As for my healthy eating, I did try my best to eat healthy – which is not always easy while traveling. I’m sure I gained this week, but it’s okay! I’ll just keep going at it, I’m almost at 6 months of weight watchers and tracking EVERY DAY!

Oh, and today is ONE MONTH UNTIL HAWAII! (Crazy right?!)

And today I’m off to hike a mountain – lots of posts to come!

You’re the shit.

If you have read anything I’ve posted, I do want to travel. I want to see the world and experience it all. I’ve been lucky enough to travel some in my lifetime, but I want to see more. My personal life is changing, a lot. Here I am, single, after almost six years. (That is a long time.)

It’s been an interesting last month. My relationship ended, I was supposed to be getting married in just under two months. But, that isn’t happening now. As much as it sucks, I’m okay. I’m sad about it all. It makes me sad to know that we couldn’t work it out, and that is just wasn’t meant to be. We had a lot invested with each other, and just a lot of memories together.

But it’s okay. What is this post about? It’s about being yourself and not settling for anything but what you deserve. Don’t let how difficult the near future will be stop you from doing it. You’re worth it. You’re the shit and don’t let anyone else make you feel different.

Right now my life feels like I’m going through a divorce but not actually going through a divorce. But, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. I’m finding myself. I’m turning 26 in less than three weeks. I’ve been living a healthy lifestyle since March and I’m down 30 pounds – but I’m gaining so much more.

I’m confident in my own skin. I bought a bikini to wear in Hawaii. I can’t wait to get away for a week. I’m my own person, I’m finding out what I really enjoy in life and making the most of it.

Life is too short to not be happy. Don’t be unhappy. Screw everyone else who doesn’t make you their number one. You deserve to be the number one. Go be you.

 

When life gives you lemons…

Sometimes, shit happens. Sometimes, it sucks. Sometimes, you just have to go through some tough shit to move on to the better shit. And that’s where I’m at now.

So this is the quote I’m living by.

“Better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb than in the middle of some ladder you don’t, right?”

How true. I may now be at the bottom of a ladder, but it’s the right ladder. It’s a tall ladder, with a lot of shit on the bottom, but worth it.

 

So when life gives you lemons, you make the best damn lemonade you’ve ever had.

Momentum Keeps Me Going

I know it’s not Monday. But, like I told you Monday, I do weigh myself daily. And today I was down below another number I haven’t seen in years. I won’t tell you the number, I don’t want to spoil Monday!

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to post about today, I  had today and yesterday off, I was able to get a lot done around the house. I even went out to dinner last night and had an amazing chicken sandwich with a ciabatta roll. I also had a piece of chocolate fudge cake. It was very good – the sandwich and the cake. So why did I have the cake? I planned for it. I had a small breakfast and healthy lunch, so I was able to spare my points. I also went for a 1.5 mile walk during the day.

I don’t have desert often mind you – it’s rare, I’ve had desert maybe 5 times since starting weight watchers over 130 days ago. And most of those were when I traveled for work to Atlanta, and they fed us!

I know it’s okay to have cake now and then, just not every single day. I use an app called Momentum to track my daily habits. Once you start checking off the days for something, it’s harder to stop doing whatever the habit is. You see the days grow and it psychologically keeps me going. I also tracing brushing my teeth twice a day – sounds stupid, but sometimes at night I get lazy! (Who doesn’t – admit it.) With this app, I know I have to log if I did or didn’t do it – and I have to keep my streak alive!

You could honestly use it for any habit! You can set it for a certain number of days a week, like working out 5 days a week. If you track five days in the week, you’re good.

What are some other habits you track? Or ones you think would be beneficial to track?

Finding who I am.

So, I’ll be frank. I’m going through a lot in life right now. I’m not one to post it all over the internet, but it’s be hard. Nothing by any means life threatening or health related, I am fine in that aspect. It’s more relationship related. I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 6 years – we’ve been engaged for almost two. About a month ago, we called off the wedding for now – it was supposed to be this fall.

Since then, life has been different for me. We’re still together, and still care about each other, but just need to find ourselves. I’m pretty young, and we started dating when I was only 20. We have a lot together, not just things but a life we’ve made together.

I’m trying to find out who I am, as just a person by myself. How do I define myself? What do I really love to do? If its just me, what am I? Who am? A lot of philosophical stuff going on it seems. It’s led me down some different roads, like trying to keep this blog back up, as a place to express myself.

I won’t talk about this a lot here, it’s a hard subject for me and usually makes my eyes tear up. It’s just sad. It makes me sad that all the planning and work I had been doing for what would have been my dream wedding to be worthless, that it was a waste it feels like. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen for me again, but as of now that dream is over.

That is why my mom and I are headed to Hawaii, it was meant to be a honeymoon, but, well, it was paid for, so why not still go on a great trip with your mom?

So, today, I worked. I came home and worked on moving my office for my business to a new room in the house. My business is an important part of my life, and I do enjoy it. In case you didn’t know, I own a business on top of working a full time job. I never thought the business would turn out how it did, crazy how those things happen!

Well, that’s all the crying I can do for this evening. (ha ha. I’m okay people.)

 

Goodnight, and thank you for reading.